Monday, June 29, 2009


"...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.

I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. "

(Philippians 4:11-13, NASB)

How far I am from this.

But I am learning, slowly and painfully learning that when God is here, it is home, and home is where I rest my head, when I rest it in His loving hands.

I don't understand what God is doing in our lives right now. I'm not sure how to respond. Every door in the future is shut. There is no further instruction, no clear guidance, no specific steps to take.

What to do when God doesn't speak? I find myself wondering if we did something wrong. Why was the mission we thought we were on abruptly ended? We feel like we have been put on the shelf, out of the way, taken out of the action, without any explanation.

I know that many people struggle to "hear" from God about what they should be doing. That has not been my challenge for a long time. As a Christian, I have nearly always known what God would have me do. It was dramatically obvious to me, and the conviction that I should do the right thing was nearly overpowering.

I can't even describe in words what it's like for me to
not know what I should be doing. I keep saying that I feel lost.

Yes, I can follow God by reading my Bible, praying, and serving the person next to me. There are a wealth of opportunities to obey, moment by moment, the instructions that have been left to us in the scriptures. I'm grateful for this guidance. Surely I need it, more than I know. But everything else is shrouded in a dense fog. I just can't see past my own two feet, and I have no idea what to do next.

It is perhaps the
oddest feeling I have ever experienced.

In the midst of this, Paul's words resonate in my soul. Wise and seasoned, he knew what he needed. He knew how to keep it simple. He knew the source of his assurance. He could do this. He could do it because God would give him the strength he needed.

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